Weekly Treats: Animal Tweets (August 10th, 2020)

Happy Monday morning, fellow animal lovers! We know it’s tough to get out of bed on Mondays but hopefully, the following animal tweets will put the spring in your step in no time! 

Nothing quite some fresh animal tweets to start of your day in the best way. We’ve got a bundle of ridiculous and hilarious ones mixed in with some wholesome tweets. The perfect blend of spice and nice! 

Enjoy your animal goodies, you deserve it! 

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Text - human aaron @humanaaron what if a snake fell asleep wrong and when he woke up his him was alseep 1:41 AM Aug 6, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Laurazepam @andlikelaura my cat: how dare you feed me the same food everyday also my cat: oh look vomit scrumptious 4:23 PM Jul 31, 2020 Twitter for iPhone

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Canidae - ErUpstairs @ErUpstairs My little rescue dog breaks my heart. He still can't get over having his very own bowl.

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Text - Roxi Horror @roxiqt Sometimes, I think about how my great aunt lived in a tiny cottage on a lake with a pet skunk for years up north. Never had kids. Never had a husband. Just her, her vegetable garden & pet skunk against the world. She truly lived the dream. What a legend. 6:36 PM · Aug 9, 2020 · TweetDeck

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Puppy - justin balconi @JustinBalconi My dog didn't think he'd have any consequences, about time for him to grow up.

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Text - Thoughts of Dog® @dog_feelings i made a list. of all the things i do. when you're not home 1. wait for you to get back 9:42 PM · Aug 6, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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Canidae - Liz Hardy @CatMamasDotCom If you're looking for an excuse to not do housework, simply arrange your #cats right in the way. Too #cute to disturb! #funnypets 11:16 AM · Aug 7, 2020 - SocialOomph

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Text - Glenn @Shenaniglenns [inventing the peacock] Angel: that bird is beautiful God: call it piss penis Angel: please don't God: wait I have a better idea 5:54 PM · Aug 6, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Text - jo @WhaJoTalkinBout [painfully braiding my jellyfish] but not having you as a friend would hurt more 12:36 AM · Jul 5, 2019 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - That Pesky Prostitüt @LittleMissAngr1 Applebees is short for apple bottom bees, boots with the fur 11:34 PM · Aug 5, 2020 - Twitter for Android

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Property - Céile @MerchantofEnnis Spot the cat 1:15 PM · Aug 9, 2020 · Twitter Web App

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Text - cory @harvardgraduat me: i read pets are important for home security wife: omg!! did u get a dog me: *opening briefcase full of bees* no 12:23 AM · Aug 1, 2020 - Twitter for Android

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Text - Roxi Horror @roxiqt When I was 17, I dated a dude whose mom worked for a movie studio. She made him dump me because she didn't want him to get distracted on his road to fame. And yes, she has grandkids now but I have a viral tweet about a rat with a pancake so it's obvious who the real winner is. 4:41 PM · 8/3/20 · TweetDeck

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Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland A lot of people think things slow down and get boring as you get older but we had two humming birds at the feeder at the same time this morning and I'm still buzzing from the excitement.

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Text - Hannah Durant @hdurant I saw a girl carrying a hamster so I asked if I could pet it but it was actually a muffin so l'm on my way to jump of a cliff now

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Crisp New Doggo Ratings By "We Rate Dogs" (20 Tweets)

If you have Twitter, you already know how important “We Rate Dogs” is to everyone. If you don’t have Twitter, you should still know just how important “We Rate Dogs” is. 

They are very, very important. They have a full-proof rating system which has been 100% accurate since their start. That’s a really good track record. 

There are many things we love about “We Rate Dogs,” for starters, the dogs, and of course, the doggo ratings along with a cute, and appropriate tagline. If there was truly a perfect Twitter page out there, it would be this one. 

…and Thoughts of Dog

Enjoy the most recent doggo rates!

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Dog breed - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Buddy. He found a phone in the park and decided to leave a selfie on it. 12/10 riles 12:20 AM Jul 31, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Canidae - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Blue. She likes to sleep on the couch and every night she politely requests to be tucked in. 14/10 sweet dreams cutie 3:34 AM Jul 29, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Chase and his new little sister, Skittles. He was skeptical at first but then she started flying and that's a nice change of pace for him. Both 13/10 Nick Rou 7:06 PM Jul 27, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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Product - WeRateDogse @dog_rates This is Moose. He turned 16 this week so he got his driver's license. Had a little trouble parallel barking but passed the test regardless. 14/10 #SeniorPupSaturday Jene White Secretary of State DRIVER'S LICENSE LLINCRS ILLINOIS LSA IC NO M142-4558-7924 6 Do 07/22/2004 4M 07/22/2024 Miller Moose J a 1234 Wiener Dog Central ŠPRINGFIELD, IL 62723 ass 07/22/2020 D CLA D 12REST NONE DEND NONE 16 SEx M TWOT 10 Ibs 18EVES BRO Gt 10

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Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates We only rate dogs. This is a meteorite that has fallen from a clearly superior part of the galaxy. Please only send dogs. Thank you.. 14/10 3:00 AM - Jul 23, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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Dog breed - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Moose. He's just having his smoothie. Metal straw because he's an environmentalist king. 14/10 good boy would pet 8:43 PM · Jul 9, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Macaroni. She has a question. Wondering if because she had an early breakfast she could maybe also have an early dinner. 12/10 seems reasonable 8:03 PM - Jul 2, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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God's Will: Tweets Explaining How God Created Animals

Old but gold! And sometimes, it’s just a joy to reminisce on how simple things were back in the day. In the days of young Twitter and Tweets describing the almighty one went to create each animal.  

We can understand that being a creator of universes is hard work. Still, though — certain members of the Animal Kingdom really make you wonder what the heck God was thinking when he put them together. Come on; a poisonous beaver with a duck’s bill that lays eggs? You can’t tell us that didn’t involve some celestial alcohol. Here are 20 tweets from “God created animals” trying to explain what God must’ve been thinking when he made various animals.

Enjoy the memories!

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Text - Nathan Buckley @duplicitron When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now. RETWEETS LIKES 3,599 5,898 1:55 PM 18 May 2013

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Text - milty @themiltron [god creating jellyfish] how bout an evil bag RETWEETS LIKES 16,303 25,496 11:46 PM -25 Dec 2015

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Text - milty @themiltron [god creating snakes] how about a sock that's angry all the time RETWEETS LIKES 1,085 1,474 2:11 PM -21 Nov 2015

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Organism - tater tot bros Follow @thetits [God inventing the hippo] How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool 8:37 PM - 7 Mar 2016 t926 2,031

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Text - milty @themiltron [god creating bees] Put a needle on its butt.

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Text - Ygrene @Ygrene [God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point RETWEETS LIKES 4,027 7,447 6:30 AM 31 Mar 2016

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Text - jackson @tricycle_champ [god making bats] GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings ANGEL: um GOD: ANGEL: god? GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot RETWEETS LIKES 1,676 3,069 7:34 AM 10 Mar 2015

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Text - Jhorts @JhonRules [god making an emu] how about you just take that pile of hay and give it legs i'm gonna go on a smoke break RETWEETS LIKES 174 328 4:25 PM 21 Feb 2016

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Text - AKA Dave @Dahmerscookpot God creating kittens G-make them really fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs Angel-that's so swee.. G-& put razor blades on their feet RETWEETS LIKES 144 192 5:09 AM- 17 May 2016

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Text - huntigula @huntigula [creating octopus] GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands ANGEL: uh, we're out of bones.. GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things RETWEETS LIKES 808 441 10:05 AM 22 Jun 2016

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Text - jackson @tricycle_champ [god making pandas] GOD: cow bears ANGEL: what GOD: did i fucken stutter ANGEL: GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear RETWEETS LIKES 1,141 1,578 5:38 PM-14 May 2015

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Text - Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 God, creating pigeons] Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer. RETWEETS LIKES 376 607 1:05 PM-29 Aug 2015

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Text - audrey farnsworth @audipenny [god, creating platypuses] I'm feeling sad today. Put a duck head on literally anything, nothing matters RETWEETS LIKES HE 193 460 9:29 PM 23 Jun 2015

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Text - Sad & Useless Humor @sadanduseless God creating seahorses] Give them a horse's head Angel: sure Gills & tiny baby fins Angel: Lol Males give birth Angel: woah dude wtf 2:39 AM - 29 Sep 2016

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Text - @matt nelson God creating spiders]

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Text - GoaT FacE @Endhoos [God creating a turkeyl God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock... Animal technician: Anything else? God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol RETWEETS LIKES 1,165 2,096 7:21 AM 1 Jun 2015

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Text - HILLOLLY CLINTON @Chumpstring [god creating the turtle] Just trap that nasty lizard in an army helmet. RETWEETS LIKES 61 83 3:32 PM 15 Mar 2016

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Text - Bownuggets @Bownuggets God creating praying mantis] Make an insect that does karate Angel: k Now make it bite her husband's head off Angel: dude we need to talk RETWEETS LIKES 30 31 8:38 AM-11 Jan 2016

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Text - jade @TheDreamGhoul Follow [inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU 3:01 AM 18 Feb 2015 5,154 8,918

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Erinaceidae - beth loves cake, so Follow @bourgeoisalien [god drunk, inventing hedgehog] so cute but u can't cuddle it cuz, prickly quills or whatever, hahaha passes out] 8:05 PM -5 Apr 2016 47 102

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Text - huntigula Follow @huntigula [creating octopus] GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands ANGEL: uh, we're out of bones.. GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things 8:05 PM - 22 Jun 2016 255 557

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Text - When Wemery lord Collided@emerylord Follow God, making cats: black! white! stripes! Jesus: no i need a fancy one God: ..ok, this one has socks. Jesus: more God: .tuxedo. done. 11:09 PM - 17 Jun 2016 40 96

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Text - GoaT FacE Follow @Endhoos [God creating a turkey] God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock... Animal technician: Anything else? God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol 5:21 PM 1 Jun 2015 810 1,624

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Text - @L@N @LikeAlwaysWrong Follow *god creating alligator* G: See that log? Angel: yeah? G: Fill it with teeth A: Say again? G: FILL IT! 7:37 PM 1 Jun 2016

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Text - Elizabeth Follow @Elizasoul80 [God creating mosquitoes]

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Weekly Treats: Animal Tweets (August 3rd, 2020)

Good morning, fellow animal lovers! 

We’re here to start your day off in the best way possible — with fresh animal tweets! From hilarious tweets and vids to wholesome ones, this is a lovely blend of animal goodness to start your day. 

We added a bit of spice, though, to make the flavors give a nice morning punch (in the best way possible). 

Enjoy your animal goodies, you deserve it! 

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Neighbor Cats Resting On Parking Blocks (Twitter Thread)

Here’s something we haven’t seen up until now — cats resting on parking blocks! And it’s even more precious than it sounds. 

Thanks to Twitter user, @ijnaoba1927, for sharing this extremely important find. After uploading two images of two cats resting their heads on top of parking blocks, other users began sharing similar pics of cats from their neighborhood. And it wasn’t just a street cat thing — cats with leashes and collars can be seen doing the same thing. Since it was shared on July 19th, it has racked up over 1 million likes! 

Must be more comfortable than it looks… 

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Cat - Yu ยูกินะ @clabbit ykn Replying to @ijnaoba1927 私の近所の猫もこんな感じです図 Translated from Japanese by Google The cats in my neighborhood are also like this 4:41 PM - Jul 19, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 1.2K Retweets and comments 8.7K Likes

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Dog - まさたろ @masasamamasa14 Replying to @ijnaoba1927 失礼します。 こんな猫ちゃんも居るみたいです笑 Translated from Japanese by Google Excuse me. There seems to be such a cat, too lol 1:05 AM Jul 20, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 3K Retweets and comments 11.9K Likes

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Asphalt

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Cat - いづも~おもちマシュマロ~ eidumo Replying to eijnanba1927 RTから失礼します。 地元猫はこっちからパターンもあるみたいです。 この格好で空を見上げてました。 Translated from lapanesa by Google Excuse me from RT. Local cats also have patterns from here. I was looking up at the sky like this. 418 PM-Jul 19, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 415 Retweets and comments 2.8K Likes

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Vehicle - 志波 @shiva8250 Replying to @ijnaoba1927 うちの近所ねこも置かせていただきます。 Translated from Japanese by Google I will also place a cat in my neighborhood. 9:22 AM - Jul 21, 2020 - Twitter for Android

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Cat - SYL @SYL_0811 Replying to @ijnaoba 1927 はじめまして。 うちのアテさんも車止めに恋しています。 Translated from Japanese by Google Nice to meet you. My ate is in love with the car stop. 2:40 AM Jul 21, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Cat - Steve @2JZSteve Replying to @ijnaoba1927 and @_shxtter Charles also does this!

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Cartoon - Ed Mame khr Replying to @ijnaoba1927 可愛いかったのでイラストにしてみました Transiated from Japanese by Google It was cute, so I made an illustration 7:04 PM Jul 19, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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